


I Can't Help Them Alone

by Randstrom



Series: DDHFC AU [3]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 07:29:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17845052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randstrom/pseuds/Randstrom
Summary: MC has known about about his clubmates' problems for a couple months. He's been doing his best to support his friends and help them be there for one another, but he could use some help. He decides to reach out to the club president.





	I Can't Help Them Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to serve as an epilogue to my Doki Doki Helpful Friend Club dialog comic thing, but it can stand on its own. Basic rundown of DDHFC is that MC tries to be a good friend and help everyone rather than trying to romance one person.

Emon Cisternas awoke in his father’s home, located in the island nation of Pacifica, found about a third of the way from northern Japan to Hawaii. He mostly went by the nickname MC, which he had picked up in elementary school. Though he was prone to drag his feet in the morning, he forced himself out of bed right away. His father had been travelling a lot lately and he was finally going to be home for an extended period. MC wanted to spend a few minutes eating breakfast with him rather than rushing out the door. 

 

_ Maybe I can make us some eggs or something. _

 

He descended the staircase, and found the air on the first floor heavy with the smell of eggs and toast.

 

_ Dammit. He beat me to it.  _

 

Rounding the corner into the kitchen, he greeted his father enthusiastically. 

“Morning, dad!”

 

“Good morning, Mijo! It's good to be home again.”

 

Nicknames were the few Spanish terms that MC's father ever used. It was his native language, but he'd never taught his son, due to its lack of utility where they lived. He was from Chile, where he had worked for a large international company. On a business trip he'd fallen in love with the culture of Pacifica- a unique fusion of East and West, resulting from its history of colonization by Japan and the United States. Eventually he moved there after falling in love with a native. This mixed heritage was the reason for Emon's strange combination of names. 

 

Setting out a pair of plates and glasses, MC took a seat at the counter. 

“I was gonna make breakfast for you to, like… welcome you back, y’know.”

 

“Bah. I'm gone often enough- Let me be a father and actually take care of you for once. Have you seen your mother lately?”

 

MC fidgeted with his hands. 

“We met for lunch the weekend before last.”

 

“Good. And I trust that you were civil with her?”

 

“Yeah. She mostly just talked about her new job and asked me about school and stuff. It's still… hard to let my guard down and relax around her.”

 

“That's understandable, but try your best to forgive her. She was... not herself when she hurt you. Addiction is a disease that messes with your head, and I know she feels terrible about what happened.”

 

_ Forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another.  _

MC's heart would still race with adrenaline when he saw her. 

“I know. I'm trying.”

 

“But speaking of school, how is Sayori? Have you seen much of her?”

 

MC smiled at the thought of his neighbor and childhood friend, who he'd reconnected with over the past few months. They'd been spending a lot more time together lately, which made the weeks where his father travelled far less lonely. 

“Yeah, I'm still part of the club she co-founded, and we've been walking to and from school together most days.”

 

“Aah, the literature club. And this is still with the other girls I met last month, right? The shy one and the fiery one?”

 

Yuri and Natsuki were the two other members of the literature club that his father was referring to. MC had befriended them when he joined, and they'd gotten pretty close since. Neither of the two girls had the best home life; Yuri's parents were cold and berating, while Natsuki's father was outright abusive. MC was doing his best to have them over, together or separately, a couple times per week, so that they didn't have to spend as much time at home. 

 

“Yeah, it's Sayori, those two, and the club president, Monika, who you haven't met yet.”

 

Monika was a bit of an oddball within the club, in that she  _ wasn't _ an oddball outside of the club. She was a confident girl with strong leadership qualities, good grades, and a fair bit of popularity. Even though he'd been seeing her regularly at the club since he joined, Emon still found it difficult to approach her, and he dreaded the conversation he was planning to start after club time that day. 

 

“Oh, it's  _ all  _ girls except for you. Hopefully nobody gets the wrong idea.”

 

MC pondered for a moment as he took a bite of buttered toast. 

“I don't know. I haven't really been worrying about what people think of me lately. Or not exactly, but… I care how the people who are important to me see me but like… random classmates and strangers and stuff… it's just like  _ whatever,  _ y'know?”

_ God, that was a disaster of a sentence.  _

 

His father sighed and gave a teasing smile. 

“You certainly have a way with words, Mijo.”

 

“S-sorry. What I was trying to say is that you and my close friends are the only ones whose opinions really matter to me. Besides, if they think I joined the club for sleazy reasons, my actions will prove them wrong.”

 

“That's good. You've made a lot of progress these past couple years. I'm proud of you.”

_ If you only knew. _

 

MC had some issues with anxiety in the past, but he'd generally been doing better since seeing a therapist. It wasn't the type of thing that always had a specific trigger; sometimes his mind would just latch on to a stressful thought, circling and wearing down on his psyche until he lost his sense of the world around him. 

The tools and techniques he'd learned in therapy had helped him to prevent this spiral from happening with his basic fears and insecurities, but he wasn't having the same luck coping, now that he was worried about the safety of his friends. 

 

Sayori struggled with depression and suicidal ideation. As far as MC knew, she’d never actively made plans to take her own life, but he worried himself sick wondering if she was hiding something. Natsuki lived alone with her alcoholic father, where she was subject to neglect, angry outbursts and even physical violence. Yuri had incredibly low self-esteem, and tremendous social anxiety, which had driven her to frequently self-harm as a coping mechanism. Ever since learning about their issues, all in one hectic weekend, he'd been losing sleep. 

 

MC decided that he wasn't ready to talk about this with his dad yet, so he allowed the topic of conversation to drift away. Soon it was time for him to get going, and he finished his routine before walking to wait for Sayori on the street corner. 

 

\---

 

While fairly uneventful, the day dragged on painfully as MC soaked in a pool of apprehension. He wasn’t the best at talking to people in general, but doing so with someone so articulate as Monika, and about such heavy topics… It was weighing on his mind like an anvil. 

_ What if I accidentally say too much? I don't want to give away anyone's secret.  _

 

After his last class, MC decided to go for a short walk on the school grounds, rather than walking directly to the club. It was advice that he’d given Yuri in the past, never thinking he'd need to follow it himself. 

_ It's just a conversation with an acquaintance I see almost every day. And there's still a whole meeting beforehand. I don't need to freak out.  _

 

With newly steeled nerves he made his way to the club room. When he entered, MC found all of his clubmates already in attendance. Monika seemed to be proofreading something that Natsuki had written for class, while Sayori and Yuri sat against the wall together, reading a novel. 

 

MC decided not to interrupt anyone, and sat down at a desk. He pulled out a book of short stories that Yuri had gotten him for his birthday and lost himself in the eerie fictional world. After about thirty minutes he was interrupted by hands over his eyes and a whisper from behind.

“Guess who.”

 

“Sayori, you're the  _ only  _ person here who ever does this.”

 

Surprisingly, he heard the ring of Sayori's cheerful voice coming from in front of him. 

“Guess again kiddo!”

 

It was then that he felt something lightly brush against his back. 

_ That feels like long hair. _

“Yuri?”

The hands disappeared, restoring MC's vision. Turning around, he found Yuri, who avoided eye contact.

 

“This wasn’t your idea, Yuri, was it?”

 

The blush that painted the tall girl's face as she nervously twisted her hair answered his question for him. As he turned back to jokingly reprimand Sayori for forcing Yuri into her game, a sudden burst of pain exploded in his eyeball as a mysterious object bounced away. 

 

“AAH Fuck!”

 

“Oh my god I'm so sorry Emmy! I didn't think you were turning around yet!”

 

Through blurry, one-eyed vision he saw Sayori gripping at her hair with an anguished look on her face.

“Are you okay? I'm so sorry.”

 

_ So she was trying to throw something at the back of my head... _

“Relax, I forgive you. I'm not mad. Or, well… I  _ am _ mad, but just in the general sense of someone who just got hit in the eye. It's not directed at  _ you _ . What did you even throw at me?

 

Twiddling her fingers, his childhood friend guilty replied.

“An eraser. I'm so-”

 

He smiled as he cut her off.

“I forgave you already. Stop apologising noodlehead. It’s been forever since you called my Emmy, by the way. Where’d that come from?”

 

“I don't know. I guess that's just how I refer to you in my head? It  _ was _ your nickname  _ before _ , after all.”

 

A shrill voice chimed in from across the room as Natsuki joined the conversation.

“Emmy? I kinda like that better than MC.”

 

MC shrugged. 

“I mean, call me whatever you want. 

...Actually scratch that- call me whatever you want  _ within reason _ . Nothing nasty.”

 

The pink-haired girl pondered for a moment. 

“What's your actual first name? I don't know if I've ever heard you or anyone else say it.”

 

Before he had a chance, Monika answered for him. 

“It’s Emon, at least according to the club roster. That was the first time I'd seen it outside of a history book.”

_ She must not have been paying attention to attendance on the first day of class last year. _

 

MC scratched at the back of his head. 

“Yeah, it's not too common these days. But believe it or not, I had classmate with the same name in Elementary school. That's how I got the nickname MC. He  was ‘Emon H’ and I was ‘Emon C,’ which eventually just devolved into MC.”

 

Natsuki scoffed. 

“So it doesn't even actually start with an M?  _ Laaaame _ .”

 

“Tell that to the 8 year-old versions of my classmates. At least my nickname’s isn’t ‘ _ cupcake _ .’”

 

The youngest club member flushed.

“Shut up, that was  _ one day _ that you guys called me that! You big stupid butt.”

 

Before things could escalate any further, Monika interjected. 

“Alright children, relax. Let’s start our literature discussion. Whose turn was it to lead today?”

 

Sayori bounced up and down as she rummaged through her backpack.

“Me! Me! Hold on, let me get my cards ready!”

 

Yuri was already leaving to fill up the teapot as MC, Natsuki, and Monika began clearing a space and set up a circle of chairs near the middle of the room. 

 

For the next half hour, Sayori led a discussion about her favorite musical play, and the group asked questions as she analyzed what made its writing special. After she finished, the club members chatted amongst themselves for another few minutes, and the meeting drew to a close. 

 

MC approached Sayori as she packed her bag. 

_ She'll be a little disappointed to have to walk alone. Maybe I can make it up to her.  _

“Hey, I have some stuff to take care of so I can't walk home with you right now. Wanna come over for dinner though? My dad's back for a while.”

 

Her eyes lit up. Sayori loved MC's father almost as much as she loved his cooking.

“Ooh sure! I want to ask him all about Australia.”

 

“I don't know if he saw much besides hotel rooms and conference tables, but okay.”

 

“See you then!”

With that she bounced out the door, followed shortly by Natsuki and Yuri. Those two had been walking together most days, heading to Yuri's house or MC's, where the smaller girl could have some additional time away from her father and a guaranteed meal.

 

When Monika finished packing her things, she noticed that he was still in the room. 

“Are you all set Emon?”

 

_ Don't chicken out, man, you have to do this.  _

“Actually I was hoping you had a few minutes to talk.”

 

“Sure! What about?”

 

He gripped at the cuffs of his shirt nervously.

“Well… I… know you're very busy, with studies and all your extra curricular stuff,but… well, e-everyone in the club really looks up to you. If you ever have time, I-I think it would help a lot if you spent more time with them outside of school.”

 

“Help with what?”

 

_ Shit! I should have worded that differently. _

“Well… I, uuh… they…”

 

Monika sat down at the neighboring desk with a defeated sigh. Suddenly all the confidence and charisma that seemed to define her had vanished, as she stared down at her knees.

“You mean their issues, don't you? I thought you might come to me about this eventually. Natsuki's home life, Sayori's depression, Yuri's anxiety and, uuh… coping mechanisms…”

 

_ How? _

MC stared, shocked at what Monika already knew. 

“W-wha… how…”

 

“For Natsuki and Yuri I just had to ask around and sort fact from fiction among the rumors. I wasn't trying to get dirt or anything; I was just curious about them when they signed up for my club. Apparently there have been a couple occasions where Natsuki had some pretty nasty looking bruises that she couldn't hide. I also heard her father showed up to the parent-teacher conferences drunk, and made sort of a scene. I don't think people tease her about it though, so at least there's that.”

 

Grimacing, Monika continued. 

 

“As for Yuri, some of the girls in her PE class ripped her shirt off in the locker room when she was a first year. I… guess she was an early bloomer and they all thought she stuffed her bra, but they saw her arms all cut up. Two of them doubled down and started bullying her even harder, spreading the rumor and such, but the third was shaken up and stopped bullying altogether. She's the one I talked to.”

 

_ God. I knew Yuri was bullied, but damn. _

 

“There were other rumors about both of them, but those were the only ones that I found supporting evidence for in their behaviors.”

 

_ So she knew and just let it all keep happening? _

 

“Sayori, on the other hand... I kind of figured out on my own. When I used to be in the bigger clubs I got pretty good at telling when someone's trying to put up a facade. I could see that she was forcing a cheery demeanor to hide something, but for the longest time I couldn't figure it out- I was used to the politics and I didn't trust her because I assumed she had some kind of agenda. But eventually I realized she was just hiding her feelings from the world. Probably because she didn't want to be a burden.”

 

MC felt a mixture of awe at her skills of deduction and frustration that she hadn't acted on her knowledge. 

“So you've known about this for how long? And did nothing? You just carried along, feigning ignorance while they-”

 

Monika buried her face in her hands. The anger that had flared up inside his gut was doused by guilt.

_ I think I got carried away. Well at least her knowing means I don't have to avoid giving anything away.  _

 

“I know I should have said something. I kept telling myself I would but… I always freeze up. I'm too much of a coward to step up when it counts and confront them. And even if I did, I don't know if I’d have the tact to handle it constructively.”

 

MC softened his voice to a more comforting tambre. 

“I'm sorry. I… shouldn’t have lost my temper like that. You're not to blame here. And besides, you're an amazing speaker and an excellent leader.”

 

“That's not the s-same though! I like making decisions about activities and logistics and stuff b-but I can't manage people and keep them happy. The club would have fallen apart before you even joined if it weren't for Sayori.”

 

She began to cry. 

“I'm not cut out for this! They t-taught me how to control my body language, how to speak properly, but it's all an act. It makes me feel so fake and manipulative. But if I don't do it I'll j-just be a disappointment!”

 

_ Jesus, this sure took a turn that I wasn’t expecting. _

Awkwardly, MC shuffled over and gave her a hug, gently patting her back. 

 

“Hey, it's okay, just let it out. Try to take some deep breaths.”

_ I never thought I'd see Monika like this. I probably should have asked before hugging her, but it's too late now. Hopefully it helps. _

“...It sounds like maybe your family has pretty high expectations of you?”

 

He felt her nod against his shoulder. 

 

“Well I'm sure they're proud of you. They might not say it enough but I don't see how they couldn't be.”

 

After a couple minutes, Monika started to regain her composure. MC had a wet patch of snot on his blazer but he tried not to think about that. 

 

“It's… ironic, isn't it. Being pressured and forced into the role of ‘the strong independent female leader,’ thereby subverting the very feminist ideals I supposedly represent.”

 

MC smiled reassuringly. 

“Wow, that was... really poetic.”

 

“Don't give me too much credit; I didn't think of it on the spot. I actually wrote it in my journal a few weeks ago.”

She shuffled in her seat. “Why are you even talking to me about this? And trying to make me feel better? Y'know, a part of me hates you.”

 

_ Oof, where did that come from?  _

“Uuh…”

 

“At first it was because I thought you were a pervert. You were barely here a week before you started spending all that time with the other girls in and out of school. I thought you were trying to hook up with one of them. But then I saw them getting closer to one another, and I realized you were helping to bring them together. Giving them a support network to deal with their problems. Someone as awkward and quiet as you, perfectly executing what I was too inept to do myself. And the jealousy made me hate you even more. I'm just a terrible, bitter person aren't I?”

 

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone. You cant help how you  _ feel _ . You  _ can _ control your actions, though, and you've been nothing but friendly to me. A bad person wouldn't fight their instincts like that. I wouldn't have come to you about this if I didn't think you were a good person.”

 

He looked down towards his hands as he collected his thoughts.

“I want to help them, but I’m not smart or…  _ organized _ enough to do it alone. At least not to the extent I would like to. I’m forgetful, and anxious, and indecisive, and I'm terrible at multitasking and managing time. I've made mistakes and hurt all three of them. I’ve said and done things that have made them cry... But I honestly think that you're the best possible person to help me.”

 

The brown-haired girl looked up at him for the first time in several minutes, eyes once bright and sparkling, now swollen and damp. He continued.

“And I think the others would love to have you in their ‘support network.’ They… _we_ could be there for _you_ too. To listen, and to help you handle the club. And maybe once they know that… _you_ _know_ about their problems, you’ll have an easier time talking about it.”

 

“You think so? But… how am I going to tell them that I know? Getting this confirmation about my suspicions… it won't make it any easier to confront them. It's still the same roadblock.”

 

“I'll see if I can convince them to open up to you. Just try to spend a little more time around them if you can. Then they'll be more comfortable and it won't seem so out-of-the-blue, okay?”

 

Monika nodded. For a moment, MC pondered what to say next. 

“Do you, uh, want to talk some more about your family and stuff? I'd be happy to listen if you need to get anything more off your chest.”

 

The club president inhaled as if to speak, but deflated as her resolve ebbed away. 

“I… I do, but I don't. I really don't know.”

 

MC thought for a moment. 

“How about we head over to the cafe across the street and just kinda hang out? I’ll treat you to coffee or tea or whatever. We'll get to know each other a little better, and if the mood strikes you, you're welcome to vent a bit.”

 

“The cafe? Are you…”

 

_ She thinks I'm asking her on a date? I suppose she must get that a lot.  _

“O-oh, no. I'm not hitting on you or anything. I just think it's a nice place to sit and talk. I do have to be home for dinner but I've got a little time.”

 

Monika relaxed her shoulders slightly, and forced a smile.

“O-okay.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
